Saying what you mean

Saying what you mean is something that I’ve been thinking a lot about this year, ever since my ex and I got serious. I had a habit of getting angry or upset because she got on my case about something. Then I would say something I didn’t mean. What I said was rarely mean or rude but it was still a lie. I would tell her that I was ok or something but in actuality I would be pissed off. I would try and call her within an hour of when we parted and talk to her about it but I should have just said what I meant to start with. So by writing this post I hope you realize I’m not trying to say that I never do this or that men don’t do this but my post is about women.

When I started dating my ex she told me that when she gets upset she shuts down and I would have to really work to find out what was wrong. What I didn’t realize was that she meant she would say she was alright over-and-over again. Generally it would be a couple of days later when she would tell me what was actaully wrong, far too late for me to do anything about it. This was fine because that’s part of a relationship and I learned to deal with it. While this instance is not ideal it’s not the really crummy version of it.

When a woman breaks up with a guy she likes to give some ‘nice’ touchy-feely reason. “I just don’t have time to devote to you right now and that wouldn’t be fair”, “God is telling me it’s time for us to move on”, “I need to be alone for a while”, blah blah blah. These excuses are fine and dandy but they leave you without a feeling of closure. Most of us are adult enough to deal with being told that the chemistry is not there or is wrong. Maybe that we’re just not the kind of man she wants to spend her life with or she’s met someone else. Yeah these reasons suck but at least there’s something to hold on to for closure. My experience has shown that break-ups are easier to get over if you have closure, and there needs to be no hope of getting back together.

I know guys do this too, but I’ve always been on the receiving end so I can complain about it. Also a friend of mine had a bad experience with this so I figured I’d post about it and see what kind of comments it would generate (if any).

(This is a work in progress so check back occasionally for updates.)

Weddings

I hate weddings! Even when I have a date I hate weddings.

This afternoon I had to go to my friend’s wedding. This is a person I’ve been friends with for nearly a decade so I couldn’t say, “I’m sorry, I’m busy that day.” Don’t get me wrong I’m happy for her, I just hate sitting at the reception trying to maintain smalltalk for several hours. It’s just not something I’m wired for, frankly I’m a fairly quiet person unless you get me around someone who is very talkative then I tend to be more outgoing. So generally I just sit there watching people the whole time. It’s sad I know, but what can I say. In fact, generally I will avoid the reception all together, I do go to the wedding though.

Today’s festivities where made worse by a sudden, yet not unexpected, attack of depression. Originally I had planned to go to this wedding with my ex, obviously that didn’t happen. Don’t worry though, I did ask a couple of other ladies both of whom were busy. So I got to go alone and I got to sit with all of my “couple” friends, a group I was supposed to be a part of in 3 months. So I got to do the “loser sitting in the corner while all his friends dance” thing tonight. I did trade glances with an attractive and possibly single girl there, I’ll have to ask the bride about her. I should have asked her to dance, but I was in no mood for a “get to know you” type of chat. So after a few hours of the reception I decided to leave. I said good-bye to my friends then went over to let the bride know I was leaving and she didn’t look very happy. I guess I owe her an apology for leaving earlier than she wanted.

(Part of this post was made private in order to not jeopardize my job.)